Eyelids, edit 2

[ChristopherSea]

Hey Crow, Why not make some distinctions between your title, your opening and your close? I don't get much from 'eyelids' in all three cases.  Some variation could improve the poem. For example, if the title were 'Wink' you would add some irony and mockery and more of a humorous tone to match the crime. Also, something like 'eyes open' to begin the poem and 'eyes closed' to end it, may bring the poem towards that closed circle that you intended. See what you think. Cheers/Chris