Thank You

[tectak]

As usual I'm impressed by your poetry - you have a humanistic outlook or philosophy, I think, that I respond to. I like the way you take on the 'big' things of life, and the way your reader is convinced of the protagonist's honesty.

This one became very wordy I thought, and I missed the fine focus of poetry. My comments are mostly to do with that; the other stanzas I'd cut back like stanza 1.










This is to you who shone first light, then slapped  breath into  quivering lungs
and to the host who gathered gladly round my birthing bed, chattering
in mists of early life; not words so much as comfort of another kind.
Yes,you too, now gone from me, who held me warm and suckled me;
such early memories are not what brings your love to mind…no,
it is the years that came and went when knees were grazed
and fingers burned and ankles sprained..you were there then.

I never knew the boy who spat, I envied him but found out that This whole stanza confused me - if you never knew him, how could you envy him?I never knew Paul Newman!
he hurt his sister, spurned his mother, robbed and stole from others
yet not from me. Thank you, I learned a lot from you…what not to do. the switch from he to you is a bit disconcerting
If friends are made  he part-made me, he would not be what I became and the switch back
so gratitude is not an option; I never fell in empty places, with no one round
to pick me up. He died, I heard, in some dire place…a prison they called life.

My life was always peopled places. I ought to mention kids and comrades,
pressed together knee by knee, chanting in some tribal tempo, esoteric truths. needed?some but only for rhythm. Otherwise agreed
And how you laughed that day I stammered, du-did you ever know I loved you? italics or speech marks needederrr....why?
That was how it all began, and though I looked your way and saw the sun
flash on all the time-smoothed  desk-tops...it was not half as bright as you.

We never kissed, but kept a grain, a seed of what the growing change
would bring us to. A long time passed and here I am. The blossom opens
only once in every life and in the petal's rose-pink hue I still remember you.

So thank you for that ill-timed laugh; humility and strength resulted or
was it something more than that? Love must be learned and you
were my first lesson. Sadness is the next emotion; yet for us both,
as wisdom widens, I hope that I will now and then be in your thoughts.

To all the con-men, policemen, preachers, teachers, liars, leeches, lovers,
stabbers, grabbers, drugged-up beggars, magistrates and reprobates,
fighters, biters, doctors, lawyers, wives and women, foes and firemen,
desperate friends, successful, too, who made me what I am…
you all are in me. Thank you.

Tectak
2014

A contra-view to the "If not god thing."

It is a nice balance to the other poem! Thanks for posting it.

...and thanks for reading it! I cannot do bold or colour since the update so youcan have a fun time finding my comments on your comments!
Best,
tectak