mother

[ellajam]

Hi, cj, I much prefer the edit on an emotional level, the detachment has been removed.

My problem is that except for the word "warrior", she has lost her resolve, as if her spoons were wielded only in fun. I'm missing "her righteous anger, frightening with her quiet, resounding stares", the fierce side of her child rearing.

I particularly like your reuse of the word warrior in describing her mother.

Hope this helps.

edit #1:


My mother was a warrior,
wielding wooden spoons
like weapons of mass construction.
 
We four would tug on her apron,
tell her how pretty she was
so we could have more pancakes.
 
She would laugh and chase us
down the hall, a giantess
with crazy wood appendages.
 
Now she is simply small and fragile,
spoons at rest, hands clutching an afghan.
She naps in the heat of the day,

dreaming of her own warrior mother;
I pull the blanket over bony shoulders
and push silver hair behind her ear.



original:

I used to think of her
as being larger than life—
beautiful in her righteous anger,
frightening with her quiet, resounding stares—
a warm, comforting shell

filled with cool, steely resolve.
She was so many different adjectives
and I could fill pages describing her.
Now she is simply small and fragile,
asleep on the couch with a thin afghan.

She naps in the heat of the day
and dreams of her own mother.
She smiles with her eyes closed
as I pull the blanket over bony shoulders,
push silver hair behind her ear.