09-21-2014, 03:04 PM
(09-20-2014, 10:00 PM)Mwaba don Wrote: She moves fluidly on a circular stage.
Her style flawless,
she becomes the sparkle as the audience fades.
Slowly I become attractively restless
as my fear of expression wanes.
I have to hold on to this moment of moving beauty.
I cannot afford to darkle,
So I hold my breath to soundly watch the beautiful dancer.
She is so beautiful and feminine
yet I seem to capture the masculine execution of her dance,
she is a Perfect Muse, expressing her poetry in Dance
You have captured the moment beautifully and it's very visual. Some good images here.
I did not get what you meant by 'attractively restless'. and why was there a fear of expression? nothing in the poem supports that (except I cannot afford to darkle) which makes those two lines ambiguous. I personally wouldn't use upper case for perfect muse of dance. it might be better off as italics. You can trim down a few redundant words and lines to make it more effective.

