the line spacing doesn't add anything to the poem, in fact it detracts from it.
ideally i think you need to be less ambiguous. i'm getting it's about mother nature but i'm also getting it's about the earth (planet) look out for wordiness and try to use more images. you have one in the second line, try and expand on it.
ideally i think you need to be less ambiguous. i'm getting it's about mother nature but i'm also getting it's about the earth (planet) look out for wordiness and try to use more images. you have one in the second line, try and expand on it.
(09-19-2014, 12:40 PM)simmon Wrote: I see you again, my precious child.
In the sharp cold winter breath, you wilted.
Is this a millionth time you been stepped on?
Yet you never fail to cover me in green.
Many souls out there never notice how great you are,
But you never care, keep grow up tall and strong. growing
Many souls out there claim that they are proud, no need for [out there]
But fail to stand up when they have fallen. no need for [up]
Sunk in their despair and forget [they] not [and]
About those who still care for them.
Another newbie's work... still on practice.
