09-19-2014, 10:42 AM
I was really shooting for it to not be such a booger to figure out. Let me try to say it quick.
Macro: this poem appears to be about a guy having a pleasant night with an attractive foreigner. It's not. It's actually the story of a woman opening herself up to love and a man discovering her availability. More importantly, her availability and his perception of it are surprising. Severe language, cultural, and social barriers appear at every step. Nevertheless, for reasons mysterious and profound, they end up together.
At least, that would be the story if it weren't for the fact that the title character, Susie, isn't named Susie. And even that wouldn't defeat the love story on its own. But coupled with the "perfect English" ending, the notion of some mysterious and profound connection evaporates.
To illustrate this point by contrast, I'll give two hypothetical revisions. In the first, the poem closes with the couple ordering shots. Such an ending, I assume you'd agree, would be antagonistic to any thought that their connection was meaningful.
In the second, the poem would end with her telling the narrator her birth name. An ending like that would deepen their bond rather than undermining it.
That's all I meant to say in the macro, but in order to say it, I had to justify with evidence my understanding that the couple was, in fact, "falling in love" and did, in fact, end up as a couple.
Lastly, the macro was trying to say that both the process of their falling in love AND the rather severe obstacles to it should be foregrounded.
The proofread and copy edit are both technical, so I won't try to write a quicker, better version of those
So, look at the macro above if you want, but the points I'm making here are intended to be complete.
Macro: this poem appears to be about a guy having a pleasant night with an attractive foreigner. It's not. It's actually the story of a woman opening herself up to love and a man discovering her availability. More importantly, her availability and his perception of it are surprising. Severe language, cultural, and social barriers appear at every step. Nevertheless, for reasons mysterious and profound, they end up together.
At least, that would be the story if it weren't for the fact that the title character, Susie, isn't named Susie. And even that wouldn't defeat the love story on its own. But coupled with the "perfect English" ending, the notion of some mysterious and profound connection evaporates.
To illustrate this point by contrast, I'll give two hypothetical revisions. In the first, the poem closes with the couple ordering shots. Such an ending, I assume you'd agree, would be antagonistic to any thought that their connection was meaningful.
In the second, the poem would end with her telling the narrator her birth name. An ending like that would deepen their bond rather than undermining it.
That's all I meant to say in the macro, but in order to say it, I had to justify with evidence my understanding that the couple was, in fact, "falling in love" and did, in fact, end up as a couple.
Lastly, the macro was trying to say that both the process of their falling in love AND the rather severe obstacles to it should be foregrounded.
The proofread and copy edit are both technical, so I won't try to write a quicker, better version of those
So, look at the macro above if you want, but the points I'm making here are intended to be complete.
A yak is normal.