The mare

[Keith]

Hi AJ

This one puts a lump in the readers throat, and is a captivating read, not sure you want too much feedback since in Fun but I have added some thoughts below. 


The straw on the dirt floor
arrested her fall,
as she knuckled to her knees,
then flank flopped
into her deep littered plot. 

Sets the tone perfectly I am already concerned for her well-being. Also enjoyed flank, flopped and plot

A thin veil of dust covered her coat
and sweat drops  broke
in line astern, moving down her throat,
before leaping
from the rugged cliffs of her jaw.

Good use of imagery bringing the readers focus into the detail makes the investment run deeper

She half lay, semi-supported by bales,
accepting our comfort strokes,
until the deception of human affection
was broken; she gave one last desperate call,
head lifted, searching the wind.

Again strong images that make the reader share the affection, my fav stanza because it humanises the situation by adding a clear frame of reference we can all relate to.

Broken in her defeat;
reaching with nose and limbs,
she started to run, wildly thrashing
her feet through the golden stalks.
Beyond her stall the herd walked on.

 S3 "one last desperate" is finalizing her last hours I assume she is running lying down so through golden stalks is confusing, although I can now see that this is straw on the floor, and is an extension of S3

The previous day they had grazed,
as a family group,
under the boughs of the apple groves. keep this line,lovely image of bowed heads grazing
Moseying down each row.  Not sure you need this line seem odd not sure why, it could be moseying, it sounds like it comes from a different time or place
At noon
they drank from the brook
and then again around four;
as per their habit, the herd  as per, sounds a little flippant could be cut
came in from their orchard tours
to drink from the home field trough,
but instead she partook from a trailer,
an old one, with peeling red lead paint. I love the detail in this stanza (last four lines are a must) but its too long, what is the reader taking away ? she drank with the family then drifted away to do her own thing ?

Twelve hours later we noted
the herd had her left behind.
Head down, dull coated and blind
reeling on nerve numbed limbs
she followed us into the barn.

I would finish here, we know what happens in the barn a perfect place to end IMHO and this last stanza is balancing the cold reality of moving on from death and passing on to something or somewhere.  A lovely fitting close.

Later that day she galloped away.  

Sorry if I have overstepped the mark in Fun but this one for me is a keeper. Best Keith

Damn I have just read the other comments  so now I really am sorry for all this, I will leave them in case you feel you could come back to it at some point.