09-16-2014, 05:08 AM
I just made an edit based on your guys feedback and my thoughts on the poem. I like the first stanza a little better now; I don't like the way it sounds with tube, because you don't squeeze out the tube, you squeeze out the toothpaste. The second stanza was a little weak after sitting on it awhile, I'm going to try and write another sort of bridge stanza, but I haven't been able to think of anything I like yet. It might be stronger with the old second stanza in it right now (I'd like some others thoughts in case I can't think of anything better), but I'm just going to cut it to motivate me to write a new one. I like the last stanza pretty much as is for now (with her instead of the). Thanks everyone, your thoughts are much appreciated.