Elephant Song

[ellajam]

Hi, true, , I love a circus, one giant metaphor with so much room to play. I like the stress on elephants, who never forget, and the views from the big wheel.

L6: I am undecided if the attention drawn to "after" by the break in meter is warranted. At first I saw it as filler that could be replaced with something better but I've grown attached to its meaning. If that was intentional, well done, if not find something else.

My favorite part is L8-11.

I might prefer:

We melted back into the towns
and brought stuffed elephants along.
We claim we won them for a song.

That last line is so full of lies and truth it can stand alone, for me.

Thanks for posting it, a lovely read.

They’re folding down the big-top tent
inside a dust-bowl desert fair
where elephants have come and went
and trod from here and back to there.
I rode the giant wheel back down
after I cleared the shimmering top
of that big tent where all around
its spotlights lit my gentle drop
from swirling winds and whirling stars
into a blending mass of clowns
who promised all the world was ours.
We melted back into the towns
and brought stuffed elephants along
to claim we won them for a song.