The box

The box

Mwaba don Offline

member

Posts: 50
Threads: 12
Joined: Aug 2014

#14

09-11-2014, 05:35 AM

Could you consider putting 'of' in the line "I try to jump out the box"?
I was wondering how the first line " I was born in the light" connects with the second line " strange feeling of burning"
I think it has a general idea of not being free but i think it is not well conveyed.

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Messages In This Thread

The box - by denniswilson - 09-01-2014, 06:13 AM

RE: The box - by just mercedes - 09-01-2014, 07:21 AM

RE: The box - by QDeathstar - 09-01-2014, 08:49 AM

RE: The box - by simmon - 09-01-2014, 04:00 PM

RE: The box - by denniswilson - 09-01-2014, 05:22 PM

RE: The box - by QDeathstar - 09-01-2014, 08:46 PM

RE: The box - by tectak - 09-02-2014, 07:43 AM

RE: The box - by Bunx - 09-03-2014, 05:34 AM

RE: The box - by VisualPoet703 - 09-06-2014, 03:30 AM

RE: The box - by alatos - 09-10-2014, 03:44 AM

RE: The box - by LadyDay - 09-10-2014, 11:03 AM

RE: The box - by Mwaba don - 09-11-2014, 05:35 AM

RE: The box - by denniswilson - 09-12-2014, 06:23 AM

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