Coming To

[cidermaid]

Hi aj,
I'll take a shot as this for you - although I am a little out of practice.

Overall I felt that this one lacked cohesion and dynamic. From the title i initially go an idea that this might be recovering from an op or a change of position / opinion...obviously after the first read through this was not quite on the money but close enough.
I felt that you did not quite deliver on several levels with this one and that for my read it specifically did not deliver in terms of leading me along a path of thoughts and emotions of someone trying to re-connect and recollect who and what they were.
I will offer some thought on some of the lines as they have struck me.
Overall I would want to see quite a lot stripped out and would like to find some items of potential self discovery in here, to tell me about the identity of the speaker, also so that the title and the revelation of amnesia matched the text better.

I awake reluctantly. A ceiling fan stirs the heat, think you could loose I awake reluctantly because this is infered from the title.
fingernails scratch at whatever itches first, I like this line.
I may have dreamt of you, though, This line and the next are okay but think they would be better joined as a couplet. this would leave you with two couplets to start the poem, which perhaps might visually introduce the disjointed and fragmented aspect of the speaker.

I remember little.
For the main block of the poem - the speakers recolections, IMHO there is too much generalised and not enough random snipets. for example on the first two lines>>
The mountains have much thinking to do, >>I love the randomness of the thought that the mountains need to think ( although I suggest cutting the at the start of the line)
redrawn beyond smog and Harley’s,
barely visible, forgiving the foolish desert. >>>but then the next two lines seem much to grounded and rational to fit with the mind of the speaker...perhaps here a skill base could be infered by a referance to say climbing technical term or equipment referance that is slipped into the thoughts process. (belay, absailing, friend,...something like...)

Mountains have much thinking to do
tight-roped to friends down the belay

Too much spaghetti for breakfast, not enough the referance to breakfast and passion again seem too connected to normality i would cut.
passion in the day, not enough oomph in the air- Like not enough oomph in the air.
the mish mash of trees outside the window hunch in uncertainty. would take out uncertainty.

Nameless jazz croaks from an open door down the hall
like a pickled bar hopper singing the depth of his soul,
a seasoned beggar revealing life’s secret meaning. The last two lines of this section did not really speak anything solid to me and felt like fillers. (although i liked pickled bar hoppers)

Empty bottles on my desk tower over the mug you painted –
are we who we say we are when the moon is so full? Again this line felt meaningless, I would cut it
Does the smell of gasoline remind you of something inexpressible? This is a good line of thought but perhaps make it a why does and make it a me

Memory clings to an ending: you were alone Not convinced about the memory clings to an ending but then really like the rest of this.
in some swanky nighttime lounge,
a bruised saxophone was screaming about a woman.

You looked unhappy,
twirling a tiny umbrella
and when your eyes found mine, think don't need when
I awoke itching to write
myself out of amnesia.

Besides that,
I remember little.

Hope some of this is helpful all the best AJ.