Moonless Delusions

[cidermaid]

Hi,
This poem wasn't confusing as such, the basic image / story line is a rich vein of potential but it needs to be brought into focus.
I found the repetition and the aimless wandering style of the text distracting so that i wanted to speed read to find the meat of it.
I would suggest breaking this down into smaller blocks of text (that perhaps contain just one image / idea) and then condense and trim those lines down into a consise thought, then rework this image into the plot.
Try to avoid repeating a word and think about using puctuation to offer your reader some breathing time.
Hope these comments help
I have made some suggested breaks in the text to show where i thought the ideas broke into different images.

All the best AJ.

(Confusing? Do tell me the problems in it. And if you liked anything about it. And I don't mind harsh critique )

In a moonless winter night,
Standing against a weathered wall,
Below a lonely street lamp's light,
I watched, transfixed,
Shades of life being mixed,
On that dimly lit street,
As if it were a canvas,
On which my thoughts were painting,
Their art of madness,
With brushes of memories, wishes and fears.


In that moonless winter night,
Standing against a weathered wall,
The shapes I painted with my thoughts,
Saw them slowly coming to life,

Below that lonely street lamp's light,
And I stood watching, transfixed,
With Reality, illusions being mixed,
On that dimly lit street,
That had now turned into a stage,

Where a ghostly opera, was being played,
By shadows, of spirits strayed,
Shadows familiar, but somewhat alien,
Each from a different dimension,
Floating and dancing in an unearthly fashion,
In uncanny tones they spoke and sang,

Teasing and negating each other,
Though to my ears didn't reach their voices,
But they did, to my mind
Or perhaps it was the source itself,
Of all this artful madness,
Which went on rising,
Till the last moment,
Of that lonely winter night.

As with the first ray of sun,
The stage disappeared,
Behind curtains of reality,
I walked to seek in my world of light,
Some traces of truth and sanity.