09-09-2014, 05:01 PM
Hi Kieth,
I just felt that I should make a comment on this one...I know you have probably set it asside by now for a bit, but I thought it worth a mention that although the edits do bring a level of clarity I felt that you had lost something from the original. I felt that in the first and still there in the second this one had a certain amount of pathos and depth to it that the final edit had lost and as such it had become a bit too clear and two dimentional.
Not sure I can put my finger on it it is wrapped up in the narative of the observations of the scene with the actions of the dog. I like the emotional image of the farmers grief over his dog in the last edit...but think the original title was key to my read and the original story line was much stronger in bringing out the plot and having depth of read as well. (I did not agree with the early crit and felt the original story was perfectly understandable).
AJ
Damn I agree with you AJ It did lose something along the way, I have fallen fould of this before, I will let it breath and come back later for a taste. Thanks for the insight. Best Keith
I just felt that I should make a comment on this one...I know you have probably set it asside by now for a bit, but I thought it worth a mention that although the edits do bring a level of clarity I felt that you had lost something from the original. I felt that in the first and still there in the second this one had a certain amount of pathos and depth to it that the final edit had lost and as such it had become a bit too clear and two dimentional.
Not sure I can put my finger on it it is wrapped up in the narative of the observations of the scene with the actions of the dog. I like the emotional image of the farmers grief over his dog in the last edit...but think the original title was key to my read and the original story line was much stronger in bringing out the plot and having depth of read as well. (I did not agree with the early crit and felt the original story was perfectly understandable).
AJ
Damn I agree with you AJ It did lose something along the way, I have fallen fould of this before, I will let it breath and come back later for a taste. Thanks for the insight. Best Keith