09-08-2014, 10:39 AM
Keith,
"tears where beating snot bubbles to lips" classic line, great image.
"Children spun like sycamore seeds" another great image.
Excellent use of ambiguity; Were the "Green Jackets" real or just an urban legend. Adds great tension to the poem. The ending of course gives it away, but there is no other way to make your point, if not I would have liked it to stay ambiguous.
Well written with an archetypal metaphor, as it could be applied to many situations. The only negative I have, and it is not a strong one, is that technically, some parts are a little wordy, but not the extent that it disrupts the reading.
Dale
Have you read the following article?
phony cell phone towers
"tears where beating snot bubbles to lips" classic line, great image.
"Children spun like sycamore seeds" another great image.
Excellent use of ambiguity; Were the "Green Jackets" real or just an urban legend. Adds great tension to the poem. The ending of course gives it away, but there is no other way to make your point, if not I would have liked it to stay ambiguous.
Well written with an archetypal metaphor, as it could be applied to many situations. The only negative I have, and it is not a strong one, is that technically, some parts are a little wordy, but not the extent that it disrupts the reading.
Dale
Have you read the following article?
phony cell phone towers
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.