09-07-2014, 01:00 PM
Hi;
i really like your short poem, nice imagery.
You may want to use,,,,on top of us,,,omit ,,,on us,,,after the first face to face is not necessary.
on top of us
mountain, snow
caped
sun reflected
earth to face
*****this was my version, you don't have to pick it.
Thank you
as jaysky mentioned, if you prefer, extend the poem. i can't tell you what to write. it's your poem, what else do you see in that setting, what message you would like to send to your readers in a poetic way. use metaphors, similes and other poetry devices. and enjoy, keep writing.
Nicco
i really like your short poem, nice imagery.
You may want to use,,,,on top of us,,,omit ,,,on us,,,after the first face to face is not necessary.
on top of us
mountain, snow
caped
sun reflected
earth to face
*****this was my version, you don't have to pick it.
Thank you
as jaysky mentioned, if you prefer, extend the poem. i can't tell you what to write. it's your poem, what else do you see in that setting, what message you would like to send to your readers in a poetic way. use metaphors, similes and other poetry devices. and enjoy, keep writing.
Nicco