Diana

Diana

~~bena~~ Offline

bombardier of benaville

Posts: 294
Threads: 4
Joined: Sep 2013

09-06-2014, 12:59 AM

I agree with much of what Todd has said, although I might be tempted to keep summer sun (even if borderline cliché) because it exudes wonderful assonance and alliteration. L9 could use more show and less tell. I do love the ending because we women rarely do as we are asked =)

mel.

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Messages In This Thread

Diana - by cjchaffin - 09-05-2014, 01:32 PM

RE: Diana - by Todd - 09-05-2014, 05:59 PM

RE: Diana - by cjchaffin - 09-06-2014, 12:34 AM

RE: Diana - by bena - 09-06-2014, 12:59 AM

RE: Diana - by cjchaffin - 09-06-2014, 01:40 AM

RE: Diana - by Erthona - 09-06-2014, 01:34 AM

RE: Diana - by danny_ - 09-07-2014, 05:05 AM

RE: Diana - by cjchaffin - 09-07-2014, 01:59 PM

RE: Diana - by Brownlie - 09-12-2014, 01:41 PM

RE: Diana - by cjchaffin - 09-14-2014, 03:05 AM

RE: Diana - by billy - 09-12-2014, 06:54 PM

RE: Diana - by cjchaffin - 09-14-2014, 03:07 AM

RE: Diana - by crow - 09-13-2014, 04:15 PM

RE: Diana - by crow - 09-13-2014, 04:39 PM

RE: Diana - by crow - 09-13-2014, 04:53 PM

RE: Diana - by crow - 09-13-2014, 04:56 PM

RE: Diana - by cjchaffin - 09-14-2014, 03:09 AM

RE: Diana - by crow - 09-15-2014, 03:15 PM

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