09-05-2014, 07:22 PM
Hi, this is lovely. I think there are many ways you can condense this if you choose to. One that came to mind is
May's pink flakes
under summer sun
leave only a stone
That may be too obscure when I already have your cherry blossoms in my mind, but you may be able to drop surrounded by fruit because a pit is also called a stone. Just a thought, enjoyed your poem.
May's pink flakes
under summer sun
leave only a stone
That may be too obscure when I already have your cherry blossoms in my mind, but you may be able to drop surrounded by fruit because a pit is also called a stone. Just a thought, enjoyed your poem.
(09-05-2014, 01:08 PM)cjchaffin Wrote: pink snowflakes
litter my front lawn
they will melt away
under the watchful eye
of a summer sun
leaving only a stone
surrounded by fruit
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips