09-05-2014, 04:00 AM
Hey Mark
Reading your reply to JM and learning that the red poppy was exactly that caught me off guard, I like it better metaphorically and almost wish I hadn't known that. ;D I'm far from being a haibun or a haiku expert, but this flowed well, caught my attention (loved the first line) and was fun to read.
In this line: "clinical kills from various positions and the ability to never seem in the least bit flustered; regardless of the situation." I love the clinical kills part but the rest seems rather sexual which threw me off, but really that may just be me.
Also, in the last line you don't need "that".
Thanks for the read!
-justcloudy
Reading your reply to JM and learning that the red poppy was exactly that caught me off guard, I like it better metaphorically and almost wish I hadn't known that. ;D I'm far from being a haibun or a haiku expert, but this flowed well, caught my attention (loved the first line) and was fun to read.
In this line: "clinical kills from various positions and the ability to never seem in the least bit flustered; regardless of the situation." I love the clinical kills part but the rest seems rather sexual which threw me off, but really that may just be me.
Also, in the last line you don't need "that".
Thanks for the read!
-justcloudy
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.