09-02-2014, 06:04 PM
Keith,
Terrible, touching, beautifully done.
One point I'm not clear about is whether Jess is inside or outside of the barn at the outset. The edit didn't make that any clearer.
You know... the edit being what it is, you could change the title to something very clear "barn burning" etc, and then get rid of the whole first part, beginning with "with charcoal streaks". That's where it really begins anyway. You could incorporate the frantic barking line if you wanted, since that's the highlight of the first part.
Just ideas.
-justcloudy
Terrible, touching, beautifully done.
One point I'm not clear about is whether Jess is inside or outside of the barn at the outset. The edit didn't make that any clearer.
You know... the edit being what it is, you could change the title to something very clear "barn burning" etc, and then get rid of the whole first part, beginning with "with charcoal streaks". That's where it really begins anyway. You could incorporate the frantic barking line if you wanted, since that's the highlight of the first part.
Just ideas.
-justcloudy
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.