Here

[danny_]

i don't understand how the mist got in the cupboard. i agree with other crits that the first and last S can be removed and the poem is better. the first is actually not bad to me. the cat does kind of seem like an irrelevant character to be mentioned, even if you mentioned it well. i actually like "a cough of gray morning mist", gives it a rougher mood which matches the rough experience of a short love. if you kept anything in the last S, keep only the first line and ditch the rest. i know you wanted to reveal that she is a Spanish girl (right?). but you don't need to. she seemed pretty attractive already.. maybe our imaginations can do the job title seems off but it's just a nit. overall you did a good job saying what you wanted to say, and i like the poem.