First Haiku

First Haiku

Tamara Offline

member

Posts: 55
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Joined: Aug 2014

09-02-2014, 12:34 PM

(08-31-2014, 10:50 PM)alatos Wrote: We stood in the door.
With snow falling, I asked you...
two moonlit smiles.

The image you've tried to capture is beautiful. But I feel it's too wordy for a haiku. Maybe you could pare it down a bit to make it more effective.

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Messages In This Thread

First Haiku - by alatos - 08-31-2014, 10:50 PM

RE: First Haiku - by danny_ - 09-02-2014, 11:53 AM

RE: First Haiku - by Tamara - 09-02-2014, 12:34 PM

RE: First Haiku - by billy - 09-02-2014, 10:50 PM

RE: First Haiku - by Magpie - 09-03-2014, 01:35 AM

RE: First Haiku - by alatos - 09-03-2014, 08:30 AM

RE: First Haiku - by Magpie - 09-03-2014, 09:10 AM

RE: First Haiku - by heslopian - 09-03-2014, 08:38 AM

RE: First Haiku - by ThisGuy1 - 09-03-2014, 11:27 PM

RE: First Haiku - by tectak - 09-04-2014, 08:41 AM

RE: First Haiku - by danny_ - 09-04-2014, 05:20 AM

RE: First Haiku - by Gaslampfantasy - 09-04-2014, 09:52 PM

RE: First Haiku - by danny_ - 09-04-2014, 10:39 PM

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