08-31-2014, 12:10 AM
static is a soundless noise of the universe that manifests itself in radio signals. it's also called white noise. static electricity is something completely different. the idea is to make the mundane 'pop' in the readers head and hold them for the whole poem.
Closer still we are shuttered inward
there is no closer still, only 'closer' still is redundant. it's also feels mundane, you can always make better word use in order to stop it being so.
the terminology for closer still is 'zooming in'
what does shutter inward mean, it feels like you're taking a real image yet trying to make it a metaphor. do one or the other.
hope that helps (they're just suggestions to mull over. )
finally make sure it's a person whose a reasonable, if not a good poet and not a close friend, close friends lie so as not to hurt someone. unless they're reasonable poets themselves it would be like asking the window cleaner to perform brain surgery. (it's why the workshop's here)
Closer still we are shuttered inward
there is no closer still, only 'closer' still is redundant. it's also feels mundane, you can always make better word use in order to stop it being so.
the terminology for closer still is 'zooming in'
what does shutter inward mean, it feels like you're taking a real image yet trying to make it a metaphor. do one or the other.
hope that helps (they're just suggestions to mull over. )
finally make sure it's a person whose a reasonable, if not a good poet and not a close friend, close friends lie so as not to hurt someone. unless they're reasonable poets themselves it would be like asking the window cleaner to perform brain surgery. (it's why the workshop's here)