Small Things

[tectak]

Film frames rapidly Not sure about "rapidly" as it is not a function of the motion picture using "frames" to influence the speed of replay unless we deliberately speed up the replay or as is more likely, slow down the recording (fps) rate. I don't think you want the ins and outs if technicalities in this piece so it is probably a misplaced metaphor. The enjambment after "rapidly" is the antithesis if what you are trying to express.".....rapidly...hold it....wait for it...hold it..ahhh
step us closer to the scene
of a dragonfly's wings
buzzing like static. Hmm. Again, I know what you mean (and that should be enough) but "static", even when referring to electricity means just that...still. The "buzz" you refer to is that of man-generated electricity which is buzzing because it is generated by alternating magnetic fields cycling 50 or 60 times per second. It is not static by any definition. Best to leave the esoteric stuff out of good, wholesome work...especially buzz words
His iridescent carapace
is purple-green in the macro
lens light. Bristled Here we go again. What is lens light? I know what you mean but it is not correct out of the poems context...and enjamb on the principle verb is just asking to raise hackles. What purpose?
with sparse whiskers,
he penetrates a smaller
being with his fangs.
Closer still we are
shuttered inward to No no. Enough already. What do you mean? Shuttered inward? Zoomed in, a lens focal length function. Nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with shutters. You risk being called a dillettante...distractions like enjambing on "to" doesn't hide it.
micro-organisms colonizing
his body like a planet; How is colonizing like a planet? Like life forms on a planet. Similes MUST match.
a place where there exists
a chaos of larvae and
their predators. Fat white
worms cannot escape agile
infectious spiders moving Name one infectious spider. You mean venomous. Dreadfully precipitous ending. I almost fell of my pedestal...but not quite.
too fast for the eye.

Hi danny,
I know this is poetry but the science is all to pot...you started it. If you want to write convincingly good poetry, stick to poetry. You may fool your mum but it won't get you credit in this forum for wool over eyes, pulling of.
Nice try but the poetic content is sadly second place to the dire science. You have a choice. Remove the science or improve the poetry. I favour the latter.
Begin by
using sensible
enjamb
ment.
Best,
tectak