Small Things

[billy]

hi danny, the close up you write of needs a fair bit of work. the enjambment feels to forced and makes the reader stop when they should be continuing.
you can add or make certain words stronger. like (TV static) the use of a modifier adds more depth. for the most part you're telling us. (closer still we are) is yoda there as well? don't use inversion. it doesn't help

Film frames rapidly this line on it's own makes no sense.
Film frames rapidly step...this does
closer to the scene of dragonfly
wings buzzing like static

step us closer to the scene
of a dragonfly's wings
buzzing like static.
His iridescent carapace
is purple-green in the macro
lens light. Bristled
with sparse whiskers,
he penetrates a smaller
being with his fangs. what smaller being/ show us what it is.
Closer still we are
shuttered inward to
micro-organisms colonizing
his body like a planet;
a place where there exists
a chaos of larvae and
their predators. Fat white
worms cannot escape agile
infectious spiders moving
too fast for the eye.