San Francisco, 1992

[Forever*young]

Curling tendrils of tobacco haze
engulf the tiny space, hang
like ringlets over shots of whiskey
and mugs of warm beer.

A solitary dancer moves,
bracelets janglin’ and eyes heavy
with kohl, she captures old men
in mid drink as her hips sway
to Nina Simone.

Her bronze skin burns
with the hot stares of the audience.
She soaks it all in, twirls on bare feet
as the high priestess of soul bewitches
us with heavy grooves.

I close my eyes, tap fingers against glass,
whisper Nina’s words into the smoke
and breathe them back in again.
This is jazz, I think out loud,
this is pure unadulterated heat.

Hello! I'll start off by saying that I love your vivid descriptions and the way you depicted the bar scene. Your choice of words made it impossible to not imagine what you were describing and that's definitely a plus. On the other hand, this poem doesn't seem to possess any sort of clear-cut rhythm, which is something I love in poetry. However, it may be that not all poems demand this characteristic so, aside from being a personal preference, I cannot say that it's definitely a negative thing. Moving on, your poem as a whole feels like a poem, and that's important. Regarding the title, to my taste I found that it doesn't quite fit the poem. When I saw the title "San Francisco, 1992" in the threads, I envisioned something quite different from the actual content of the poem. Perhaps a title that was narrowed down to a specific place IN San Francisco would be more fitting since "San Francisco, 1992" gives the impression that you are going to speak of the city in a broader sense (maybe even refer to the Golden Gate Bridge) rather than just focus on a certain bar. That's just my personal opinion. Anyway, thanks for the read! I enjoyed it