Aranea II

[billy]

the layout (enjambment in places) doesn't hold up that well. i don't want to pause after 'my eyes', but reluctantly have to the poem isn't in sonnet form so you can be more lenient with the iambic pentameter. the latter part of the poem drifted into a weaker read and didn't hold me. in truth i couldn't follow it enough to make sense of how or why.

thanks for the read.

I walked beneath the spreading skies, which touched
down into foothills far away. My eyes
saw, in some silent stalks, a chain that lay is [some] needed?
and rusted in the sprouting mutes. A vein, is [and] needed?
a withered thread still held decaying roots
in crusted links, the trapper now the prey
to shouts of wind and floods that fell, the vow i like the enjambement here as i'm given time to think of vow at the pause while allowing for a complete structured next line
of nature, of impermanence, kept well.
The strand was one of thousands more, long since here long since doesn't work for me
lost, whose eclipses shimmered there before nor does ['lost']
in cosmic orders, rotations… stripped bare,
no more to hold dewy constellations
up to the setting moon, entomb, or tell
of death, woven on such an unseen loom.