Senryu 26.08.14

[Magpie]

out walking late
a man screams at his dog
to be quiet

Hi AR..this is a good moment you captured. No grand statements or revelations. Just a portrait, and that's all it needs to be.

The participle "walking" is dangled, meaning that there is ambiguity because the object isn't clearly defined. In other words, who is walking? The narrator, or the man?

Consider..

my evening walk
a man screams at his dog
to be quiet

Hi fogglethorpe thanks for the comments, you're quite right about the ambiguity, I never noticed that so thanks for pointing it out. My original intention was that it was the man and the dog who the walking refers to, although I don't suppose that is the important part and your suggestion works whilst keeping the original meaning.
Thanks for reading,
Mark

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Hey AR. I like it too. For me, it does make a statement of sorts. The irony of "screams/quiet".

Similarly:

an empty parking lot
a woman screams at her child
to be quiet

Happens all the time. Nice observation.

Hi Tiger the Lion, thanks for the comments, I'm liking your 'ku also.
Thanks,
Mark

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It made me think of

dark theater
mother's shushing louder
than baby's fussing

Hi Ellajam, I like this piece, is it well known or from a well known poem, I googled it just to be informed, 'When babies cry in pain it usually means gas'... Which was helpful but not the answer I was looking for.
Thanks for reading,
Mark