08-25-2014, 11:46 AM
I hesitate to be critical like this - considering I'm really in no position to give advice - but here goes:
It seems purposely vague. Now maybe it isn't. But I'm a big believer that the goal of any literature isn't to obscure or evade meaning, but to present it with beauty and clarity. Not to say that you shouldn't have to think about what you're reading (T.S. Eliot, for example), but if a poem is going to be effective, it needs to be understandable (maybe some Zen teachers would argue that point, but whatever). I'm not going to say the poem is nonsense - it makes perfect sense, from what I can tell. But I think it's message is too lost in the form. My focus was shifted from the work and what it wants to reveal to solving a puzzle, that required Googling Bible verses. I think allusions loose a lot of their punch when you have to cross reference them.
But that's just my two cents. Take it or leave it.
It seems purposely vague. Now maybe it isn't. But I'm a big believer that the goal of any literature isn't to obscure or evade meaning, but to present it with beauty and clarity. Not to say that you shouldn't have to think about what you're reading (T.S. Eliot, for example), but if a poem is going to be effective, it needs to be understandable (maybe some Zen teachers would argue that point, but whatever). I'm not going to say the poem is nonsense - it makes perfect sense, from what I can tell. But I think it's message is too lost in the form. My focus was shifted from the work and what it wants to reveal to solving a puzzle, that required Googling Bible verses. I think allusions loose a lot of their punch when you have to cross reference them.
But that's just my two cents. Take it or leave it.