Aging Aubade (edit 1, billy)

[ellajam]

con ven yant ly is now very convenient and also very good. it's a great job you've done.

Ha, I knew it worked when I wrote it. I was just careless when I put it in the poem.

Actually, this is a big fat fail. I wrote it to be a silly thing, we laughed here, but it doesn't seem to be getting that response.
That's worse than writing something serious that gets people laughing their asses off.

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mc

Nice use of iambic tetrameter. Metrically the only problem was the "up" followed by as are both are unstressed syllables, and for me "up" seem the heavier of the two and I had to restart the line at that point. A cleaver use of the sonnet rhyme pattern. As Tom notes it is "veracity verse", although for me the truth of it gives no comfort, just reminding me what is forever lost, and enunciating that which is currently true but have yet to come to a complete acceptance of.
However the fault is in the reader not in the poem. Sonically it's calmness reminds me of a pastoral.

A very solid write,


Dale

Thanks, Dale. I think you're right on that up/as, poet's wishful thinking, I'll see if I can firm that up.

This was meant to celebrate the good side of having the world at arm's length go a little blurry. I may have to take another swing at that.