like a twat i read all the feedback first.
about the confess, i take it as "i say" while in theory it can be construed as a confession, it feels more like a prelude to a personal conversation.
the poem is full of friendship and a sadness, the sadness of someone who's leaving a close friend for one reason or another. the 1st person wishes to sing as a frog and states as frogs sing night unto its end. this line intimates leaving, the night being the death of the day. (the question for me now becomes, is the person dying and saying a last farewell. when i say dying it could also be a metaphorical death. of course that's my take and as is often the case will be well wrong. the second confess in the poem does feels like a need to confess has arisen. i don't get it to be of a sexual nature, but more a sharing of something private. there's also a distinct feeling of losing one's way.
the poem is a solid ville and from what i see is very well crafted, though the two line intro is unusual; i read it as a 2nd title and also a personal message that would probably only be clear to the recipient; in this case, Milo.
the serious shit of crit;
i think you could have played with the refrains a little in order to break up the exact repetition. there's an odd place i'd use a comma but that's too much of a nit to point to as it does work as is.
thanks for the read.
about the confess, i take it as "i say" while in theory it can be construed as a confession, it feels more like a prelude to a personal conversation.
the poem is full of friendship and a sadness, the sadness of someone who's leaving a close friend for one reason or another. the 1st person wishes to sing as a frog and states as frogs sing night unto its end. this line intimates leaving, the night being the death of the day. (the question for me now becomes, is the person dying and saying a last farewell. when i say dying it could also be a metaphorical death. of course that's my take and as is often the case will be well wrong. the second confess in the poem does feels like a need to confess has arisen. i don't get it to be of a sexual nature, but more a sharing of something private. there's also a distinct feeling of losing one's way.
the poem is a solid ville and from what i see is very well crafted, though the two line intro is unusual; i read it as a 2nd title and also a personal message that would probably only be clear to the recipient; in this case, Milo.
the serious shit of crit;
i think you could have played with the refrains a little in order to break up the exact repetition. there's an odd place i'd use a comma but that's too much of a nit to point to as it does work as is.
thanks for the read.
(08-11-2014, 02:22 AM)trueenigma Wrote: for milo
il miglior fabbro
I will confess and tell my friend
but I will give to him in song
Frogs sing bass, and crickets blend
their melodies - I’ll hum along,
then I’ll confess and tell my friend.
I've missed my turn, my aimless wend
has led me where I don’t belong
as frogs sing night unto its end.
I’ll meet him just around this bend,
on nights like this no turn is wrong,
I will confess and tell my friend.
But for right now I’ll just pretend
he’s walking by my side so long
as frogs sing night unto its end.
If he’s not in this marsh, well then
I’ll search beyond the wood and on.
I will confess and tell my friend
as frogs sing night unto its end.