08-16-2014, 09:06 PM
To echo, it does sound like two separate poems; the last stanza stands alone.
To echo again, I had a very hard time reading the first two stanzas, if I wasn't critiquing I would have stopped after a few lines. The choppiness ruined what would have been enjoyable. While I appreciate the occasional poem that makes me have to think to figure out what it's saying, usually those are employing metaphor etc. This was just confusing and seemed incomplete. You'll have to fill in the gaps if you want me to be interested.
For example S1: L1-8 If it doesn't change the intended meaning, I would replace "The misunderstanding" with "With misunderstanding." Maybe take the time to write the poem out like prose and see if it still makes sense.
To echo again, I had a very hard time reading the first two stanzas, if I wasn't critiquing I would have stopped after a few lines. The choppiness ruined what would have been enjoyable. While I appreciate the occasional poem that makes me have to think to figure out what it's saying, usually those are employing metaphor etc. This was just confusing and seemed incomplete. You'll have to fill in the gaps if you want me to be interested.
For example S1: L1-8 If it doesn't change the intended meaning, I would replace "The misunderstanding" with "With misunderstanding." Maybe take the time to write the poem out like prose and see if it still makes sense.