Well-Wisher.

[tectak]

I think the 3rd verse and especially prayer/layer are the best part of the poem. The other rhymes are all very pat, a little variety helps

to colour in our living layer - a really nice line.

What I stumbled on most was the end lines. I'd have preferred an extra couple of syllables, but the bastards' names don't easily fit do they? Shame.

You mean....

I wish that I could find the words
to move my heart and rend my soul.
When death becomes a two-edged sword
the deepest cuts will make me whole…
but Auden found them all, the sod;
Auden found them all.

I wish that I could write a verse
that forces eyes to see the Sun;
to look but once and not rehearse
for life, when all plans come undone…
but Davies wrote them all, the swine;
Davies wrote them all.

I wish that I could say a prayer
in praise of God who gave the brush
to colour in our living layer
in brindled, dappled, freckled flush…
but Hopkins said it all, the twat;
Hopkins said it all.

I wish…I wish…that I could see
whatever else is hiding there.
To shine a light that I might be,
before I die, alive…aware.
but Thomas saw it all, the jerk;
Dylan saw it all.



Thanks ray
Best,
tectak

Tectak
2014