San Andreas

[Truerenigma]

I.

It is
a fault,
a tear in the crust,
a place where plates slip
past each other and grind
their edges in unchecked fury.

It is
the constant threat of quakes,
the uncertainty of life,
the remembrance of tremors past,
the fear of what is to come—
the big one.

II.

He folds the map of California in his lap,
shoves a Marlboro in his mouth
and lights his way to freedom.

She watches him drive away,
the candy-apple red Mustang
a shrinking blip of color
in the bland Central Valley scrubland.

Her shadow wavers in the hot sun,
a dust-covered caricature
with outstretched arms
and trembling fingers.

Beneath her feet, the ground
shifts without warning
and gives way.

Hiya chris!

I enjoy this quite a bit. Nice metaphor. The second section is much stronger IMO.

In S1 I'm not sure the line breaks and the form are pulling their weight. I feel the same way about "a place". I wonder if you might consider simplifying it a bit to bring more focus to the figure:

It is a fault,
a tear in the crest
where plates slip
and grind their edges
in unchecked fury.

In S2 I'm not sure the "uncertainty of life" line is needed. It seems to me that it is already implied and the image is stronger without the abstraction. It is a strong metaphor though and I don't see it as a big problem.

Oops! I just peeked at Leanne's post; it's right below me in on the editor screen. I have nothing to add to her suggestions for the second section.

Thanks for the poem.