08-12-2014, 04:34 AM
Hello cjc, I am cwc, pleased to meet you. 
I really dig geology in poetry (I use it often). The juxtaposition of a geological fault and relationship break-up/separation/divorce works well.
In part I, using ‘It is’ twice as stand alone’s don’t really do that much. ‘It is a fault’ and ‘It is the constant threat’ could achieve more drama and portend part II better in my opinion. Although ‘Slip’ is technically correct and it does contrast with ‘grind,’ the term does not encompass the tension, friction and violence of the planar geological structure or the metaphor for a relationship's fracture. Something like the scientific terms ‘throw and heave past each other' could work. 'Strain' comes to mind too, but there may be a word with a better onomatopoeia-effect. I even like shimmy, poetically speaking.
Part II reads well for me. You could substitute ‘quaking’ for ‘trembling’ for some very apropos double entendre. See what you think.
Thanks for the nice read. Cheers/Chris
I really dig geology in poetry (I use it often). The juxtaposition of a geological fault and relationship break-up/separation/divorce works well. In part I, using ‘It is’ twice as stand alone’s don’t really do that much. ‘It is a fault’ and ‘It is the constant threat’ could achieve more drama and portend part II better in my opinion. Although ‘Slip’ is technically correct and it does contrast with ‘grind,’ the term does not encompass the tension, friction and violence of the planar geological structure or the metaphor for a relationship's fracture. Something like the scientific terms ‘throw and heave past each other' could work. 'Strain' comes to mind too, but there may be a word with a better onomatopoeia-effect. I even like shimmy, poetically speaking.
Part II reads well for me. You could substitute ‘quaking’ for ‘trembling’ for some very apropos double entendre. See what you think.
Thanks for the nice read. Cheers/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris