Another Untitled Poem

[billy]

the edit's coming along (no one said it would be easy or quick ) but you will get there and will love the journey once you've arrived at the final destination. well done so far.

*I enjoyed writing this today and hope you enjoy reading it. All criticism is welcome.

Edit #2: Unsaid

These smokeless nights without your head on my chest no need for [these]
unravel inside a black hole where I am pulled apart by retrospect. the [by retrospect] is really a given. i for me it doesn't add to the line.

The cold side of a naked pillow trembles when touched, no it doesn't, it might flatten it might be silent under your touch but i doubt it trembles.
coupled robins converse in nearby treetops while the hours derail. coupled (even thouh i know what you mean) sound a bit porny, would paired or a coupe of or simply two robins , or even just robins, you have a lot of better word choices that coupled me thinks

Everything sensory is real by default;
my thoughts reflect remnants of gilded kingdoms that never were.

A war is being waged, pervading the nothingness,
bringing both angels and demons to collide in the tidy limbo;

the pure sky punctured by diamonds, jalousie blinds sliced by light,
magnified sounds of life heard through thin walls.

I could sprawl out on layers of slothful cirrus clouds
and compare you to the moon for a living.

It’s a cruel trick when the sun rises to halt my binge, my tired hands
exploring new ways to reword ” I need you “ while a lamp post forgets itself.


Edit #1: Unsaid

These smokeless nights without your head resting on my chest
unravel inside a black hole where I am pulled apart by your memory.

The cold side of a naked pillow trembles when touched,
birds converse in domestic treetops while time derails.

Everything sensory is real by default;
my thoughts reflect remnants of gilded kingdoms that never were.

A war is being waged, pervading the nothingness,
bringing both angels and demons to collide in the tidy limbo,

the pure sky punctured by diamonds, jalousie blinds sliced by light,
magnified sounds of life heard through thin walls.

I could sprawl out on the layers of slothful cirrus clouds
and compare you to the moon for a living.

It’s a cruel trick when the sun rises to halt my binge, my spilling brain
exploring new ways to say ” I need you “ without saying it.

Rough Draft

Something about these long smokeless nights
without your head resting on my chest.

The cold side of a naked pillow having doubts,
birds conversing in rumbling treetops while time derails.

Everything sensory is real by default;
my ideas are mere remnants of gilded kingdoms that never were.

A war is being waged, pervading in the nothingness,
bringing both angels and demons to collide in the tidy limbo,

the pure sky punctured by diamonds, jalousie blinds sliced by light,
magnified sounds of life heard through thin walls.

I could sprawl out on layers of dallying cirrus clouds
and compare you to the moon for a living.

It’s a cruel trick when the sun rises to halt my binge, my spilling brain
exploring new ways to say ” I love you “ without saying it.