[EDIT 3.56] To brighten the flame

[ajcohen613]

Edit 3:

Finding myself walking along alone with the sand / Along feels unnecessary; the alliteration isn't worth the needless word.
envious of light's fade into the embracing horizon -/ "Light's fade" sounds odd to me. You might be able to phrase this better.
It's not that kindling surrenders; it merely lacks a start.
Yet I hope to brighten the flame before it's dark.

The sun is such a perverted provocateur
warming us to the notion of lustful wanting, / Maybe just lust?
before hiding away while the lonely huddle at dusk. "the lonely" doesn't work for me; it's too vaguely all-encompassing. The lonely..what, specifically?
Yet I hope to brighten the flame before it's dark. Yet?

Twilights without warmth or shelter -
void of glowing embers gilded in rapture, I like how this line sounds.
remain a nightmare of all men still walking.
Yet I hope to brighten the flame before it's dark.

My walk slows as the sun sets behind flowing waves,
the fading light steals my vision of her intent, / Seems repetitive to restate "fading light / light's fade"
I'm left to fumble with my steel trying to find her flint,
Yet I hope we brighten the flame before it's dark.

I think you definitely have something here. Just keep tweaking it a bit, mostly shave off those unnecessary words and find more concise and effective ways to phrase what you are trying to say. Keep at it!