Another Untitled Poem

[billy]

enjoying it should be one of the main reasons we write

if you can write a poem, you can write a title, by not doing so we're kind of saying the poem isn't worth the trouble.

the poem:

where you can make it stronger, some parts weaken the lines you have,
Something about these
changing it to something solid will help the couplet, tthat said the opening couplet feels very weak in general, make it the the strongest or second strongest couplet you have, it has to hold the reader's attention and pull them into the poem. you do capture the feel of loneliness so work on making it stand out more.

sorry if i went over the top with the feedback, use or discard what you will

*I enjoyed writing this today and hope you enjoy reading it. All criticism is welcome.

Something about these long smokeless nights
without your head resting on my chest. head on chest is pretty cliche

The cold side of a naked pillow having doubts, is the pillow having doubts?
birds conversing in rumbling treetops while time derails.

Everything sensory is real by default;
my ideas are mere remnants of gilded kingdoms that never were. no need of [mere] for me this is probably your best line/couplet, I think many of us have similar dreams or aspirations that we think of when alone.

A war is being waged, pervading in the nothingness, no need for [in]
bringing both angels and demons to collide in the tidy limbo, [the tidy] feels forced, for me the line is much better with out them

the pure sky punctured by diamonds, jalousie blinds sliced by light,
magnified sounds of life heard through thin walls. this is what your aiming for, here you've created an image that shows us the silence of the room compared to the world outside.

I could sprawl out on layers of dallying cirrus clouds
and compare you to the moon for a living.

It’s a cruel trick when the sun rises to halt my binge, my spilling brain
exploring new ways to say ” I love you “ without saying it.