Fair Deal (True Love in the House edit)

[ellajam]

hi ella.
on the first line i read [for] as unstressed
other than that the meter of the sonnet seems good, as do the end rhymes. the title works well
just a few nits from me. in the odd place i the mid line period made me falter a little. you have some good alliteration with the s's and b's
wish i could be more help.

thanks for the read.

Edit 1 (true, keith)

Someday I'll trade the vacuum for
a dusty house that's calm, at least
I'll gag its irritating roar. not a bad opening, gag here works well for me, i liked the 2nd line best at first [at least] on that line didn't work for me but after a few reads i think it really does
I'd rather cook a full-blown feast,
my kitchen humming in my head: isn't it a given that it's yours, a suggestion would be [the kitchen] and to change [the hissing] on the next line for [a hissing]
the hissing pan for meat or crepe,
the soothing squeak of dough for bread and [the] at the start of this line to [that] like it feels part of you
against the board, the beater's scrape. the comma feels like a false break to me

Alone I clear each meal's debris
and scrub the porcelain sink, again
the dinner cleanup's left to me;
I guess I really can't complain.
He vacuums carpets, washes clothes,
two gifts more dear than gem or rose. good ending


*from NaPM

Thanks for reading, billy, and for calling me out on that bad "for". I'll think of something better and look at the pronouns lurking in the kitchen, appreciate your comments.