Mayday

[QDeathstar]

billy/mercedes/ella edit 1

Mayday

My voice takes refuge at nightfall,
mute in the dimness under the yews,
spirited away in tiny rouge berries. I think that rogue is an improvement over blue, but to me "tiny" breaks up the flow of this stanza. Everything is kinda smooth and flowing but tiny is sharp and halting

It's flame is in the bellies of fireflies,
smoldering with luciferase,
hovering above dew on the rye.

My imagination is secreted I agree with Mercedes about secreted. To me, this means your imagination is flowing and "working". This is the first time in the poem for me that the poem really clarifies its purpose, but i think the imagination should be blocked up or shrouded, not virtually oozing out of you. Expecially since the speaker knows where it went, as described in the poem
beneath the pond’s algal cloak
quiescent with timid fish among the reeds.

I need nice shift

one berry of a chance, what? I just don't get it
a single bioluminescent photon
or musing minnow
to nibble at my trolling lines.

Necessity begs illumination
to clarify this tarnished eve,
for she is slowly graying;
almost out of view
and reach.

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Mayday

This voice takes refuge at nightfall,
mute in the dimness under the yews,
spirited away in tiny blue berries.

It's flame is concealed in the abdomens
of fireflies, smoldering with luciferase,
hovering above dew on the rye.

My imagination's secreted in a pond
beneath an algae cape, inside a cache
with timid fish among the reeds.

I need

one berry of a chance,
a single bioluminescent photon
or minnow’s musing
to nibble at my trolling lines.

Necessity begs illumination
to clarify this tarnished eve,
for she is slowly graying;
almost out of my view
and reach.