Smolder

[ajcohen613]

Smoldering Logs


She shoved him down into a foldable chair
and began to kiss him impatiently.

The taste of Big Red mixed with Virginia Slim
reminded him of the first time
he wanted his love to mirror a petering bonfire; seems like a very specific image. I'm thinking maybe just "fire"? A petering bonfire would still be a large fire, not slight or momentary.
momentary, illuminating and slight.

The midst of midnight affection, nice little alliteration
her tongue ring thriving like a silver totem,
grounding him in his boots, ensuring a non-dream; this phrase goes over my head- what is meany by a "non-dream?"
an extinguishing slip into the present. I really like that phrase, it's unique

Brittle black logs smolder through the night.
In the morning, there is nothing,

there is nothing.

The last three lines don't fit with the poem for me, because they feel forlorn and the rest of the poem doesn't. It sounds nostalgic but overall not melancholy... I like it though, I just think that the mood of the poem is at the moment unclear. Hope this helps.

"Petering" is supposed to tie to the ending. I included it because it implies a dwindling kind of love - one that does not survive the mentioned night. The last three lines are my personal favorite. There is no single mood I was going for; just trying to illustrate young reckless love-making and the affect of such an encounter. At first everything is steamy and surreal and then it takes a dive into reality. "Non-dream" is simply meant to convey that in the midst of affection, we often need a pinch, we lose ourselves - not to get all deep and explainy on you. Hope this helps?