08-05-2014, 04:56 PM
"Her beauty took me
from an hourly motel in Tucson
to the Viennese waterways
of paradise.
Sweat, shame, and distrust
brought me back to an
empty wallet and a
shattered ego.
She didn’t even pretend
to come with me."
A quick thought about the title. I think your intention is something about beauty being skin deep, about the illusory qualities of beauty. The theme and narrative of the poem parlay that idea into one about transportation. My synopsis is: guy sleeps with prostitute and has a good, but romanticized, experience. Ultimately, the exchange gets the job done, but he realizes he was actually looking for more. For the kinda of things perhaps available in a healthy relationship.
The imagery is off, and I'd guess deliberately so. The romanticized motel room *should be* some other bedroom, like a Viennese hotel overlooking the waterway. So, the moment of transportation links not to intercourse itself, but to the events leading up to it. The narrator, chiefly, is romanticizing the bargain.
So, a title that encapsulates the idea of transportation, beauty as illusion, self-deception, a double-edged sword perhaps, or the idea of failed substitution would be relevant.
This, too: the reference to the ego is evocative. Perhaps consider playing a the idea of an ouroborus.
Found this on Wikipedia:
The Jungian psychologist Erich Neumann writes of it as a representation of the pre-ego "dawn state", depicting the undifferentiated infancy experience of both mankind and the individual child.
from an hourly motel in Tucson
to the Viennese waterways
of paradise.
Sweat, shame, and distrust
brought me back to an
empty wallet and a
shattered ego.
She didn’t even pretend
to come with me."
A quick thought about the title. I think your intention is something about beauty being skin deep, about the illusory qualities of beauty. The theme and narrative of the poem parlay that idea into one about transportation. My synopsis is: guy sleeps with prostitute and has a good, but romanticized, experience. Ultimately, the exchange gets the job done, but he realizes he was actually looking for more. For the kinda of things perhaps available in a healthy relationship.
The imagery is off, and I'd guess deliberately so. The romanticized motel room *should be* some other bedroom, like a Viennese hotel overlooking the waterway. So, the moment of transportation links not to intercourse itself, but to the events leading up to it. The narrator, chiefly, is romanticizing the bargain.
So, a title that encapsulates the idea of transportation, beauty as illusion, self-deception, a double-edged sword perhaps, or the idea of failed substitution would be relevant.
This, too: the reference to the ego is evocative. Perhaps consider playing a the idea of an ouroborus.
Found this on Wikipedia:
The Jungian psychologist Erich Neumann writes of it as a representation of the pre-ego "dawn state", depicting the undifferentiated infancy experience of both mankind and the individual child.