[EDIT 3.56] To brighten the flame

[SomeRandom]

I was inspired by Bena's post in the "new members" forum in the topic "How bright the flame".

Walking along together alone with the sand
our light gently lowering to meet the horizon.
It's not that flames surrender only that they never start,
yet I hope to brighten the flame before it's dark.

^This was my favourite stanza. I like the idea of being alone with the sand; it painted a rather intimate image in my head. I would switch the word "lowering" with "sinking", because
a. I like the word better
b. it reduces the second line to 12 syllables (same as the first)
I enjoyed the third line and to me the combination of the 3rd and 4th was the best ending to any of the stanzas, beautiful combination in my opinion.

A twilight without warmth or shelter
lacking flickering fluttering light for protection
Is a haunting nightmare of all men still walking,
yet I hope to brighten the flame before it's dark.

This was my least favourite stanza. I liked the first line, once again I felt it was a strong image with not a lot of words. A twilight that's cold and lacks shelter (implying one seeks shelter) has a lot of feelings associated with it. The survival instinct is there, feeling cold, needing a place to hide. It's primal and unforgiving. That being said, I didn't like what followed. The second line felt really clunky, I read it over a few times and I couldn't get over it. I think you can impose the idea of the light being protective in a more subtle way, especially without using the word "protective".

The sun is such a perverted provocateur
Warming us to the notion of lustful wanting;
too often leaving frigid failure while falling at dusk,
Yet I hope to brighten the flame before it's dark.

I liked the alliteration. Maybe "desire" would be a better word than "wanting" also you would have three "d" sound endings.

Our walk slows as the sun sets behind the crash of waves.
The fading light steals my vision of your intent.
I'm left to fumble with my steel trying to find your flint,
yet I hope to brighten the flame before it's dark.

The mention of crashing waves seemed forced and/or out of context. It didn't match the image I had in my head while reading the rest of the poem. More good alliteration here. Lots of 's' sounds in the first line especially. I like the idea of the walk coming to some sort of ending which works nicely with the fading sun (receding light seems to be a theme?). Hope was another good theme and I thought the ending was good because it wraps up the major feelings of the poem well, the grasping for strength/hope, the fleeting desire.

I'm a newbie to poetry, so maybe I have no clue what I'm talking about, but hopefully that was of some use to you.