Mayday

[just mercedes]

Mayday

This voice takes refuge at nightfall,
mute in the dimness under the yews,
spirited away in tiny blue berries. great sounds here - refuge/mute/yews/blue and nightfall/tiny (eye rhyme with spirited)

It's flame is concealed in the abdomens Its. Do you really need 'in the abdomens of'?
of fireflies, smoldering with luciferase,
hovering above dew on the rye. you keep the same 'u' and '' sounds going - great

My imagination's secreted in a pond I don't think 'secreted' is a good word choice, even though it does rhyme with 'concealed' and 'reed'. 'Is' is passive - why not make your imagination do something?
beneath an algae cape, inside a cache 'cape' is too fanciful for me
with timid fish among the reeds. too many directions for me here - in, beneath, inside, among

I need

one berry of a chance,
a single bioluminescent photon what a great line!
or minnow’s musing that's harder to say than 'musing minnow'
to nibble at my trolling lines. nice use of doubled-up letters here in this stanza, but 'trolling' doesn't add anything

Necessity begs illumination
to clarify this tarnished eve,
for she is slowly graying;
almost out of my view
and reach. I don't think you need this stanza.

The muse is a fickle bitch! Thanks for posting this - I enjoyed it.