|
You're Leaving Home
|
08-03-2014, 06:14 AM
(07-31-2014, 07:40 AM)just mercedes Wrote: Great edit - your poem is stronger now. I agree there's a bit of confusion about the bedroom floor - '...scattering.../pizza and the bedroom floor' scattering pizza boxes on the floor? I don't know, but that's the only place I stumble in my reading.Thanks for the feedback jm, I will have a look at that line in the edit. Best Keith If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out |
|
« Next Oldest | Next Newest »
|
| Messages In This Thread |
|
You're Leaving Home - by Keith - 06-24-2014, 11:25 AM
RE: Your Leaving Home - by Tiger the Lion - 06-24-2014, 11:59 AM
RE: Your Leaving Home - by Keith - 06-25-2014, 05:24 AM
RE: Your Leaving Home - by Jinxy - 06-24-2014, 12:18 PM
RE: You're Leaving Home - by JeffreyGonell - 07-30-2014, 09:03 AM
RE: You're Leaving Home - by Keith - 07-31-2014, 07:24 AM
RE: You're Leaving Home - by Tiger the Lion - 07-30-2014, 10:33 AM
RE: You're Leaving Home - by billy - 07-30-2014, 11:38 PM
RE: You're Leaving Home - by poe - 07-31-2014, 04:13 AM
RE: You're Leaving Home - by just mercedes - 07-31-2014, 07:40 AM
RE: You're Leaving Home - by Keith - 08-03-2014, 06:14 AM
|
