fathers

[milo]

Ha, the double dutch poem. First read, I'll have to think.

surprisingly this wasn't /the/ double dutch poem but it would have worked. Now, if only I could go back in time I wouldn't have to write the Chinese Whispers poem . . .

Is too the double dutch poem, even if it wasn't written then, and as I predicted outdistances mine by miles.

The mixed feet work fine for me except L2 always seems off. The ending is fabulous, glad you posted it.

L2 tries to force an inverted meter (OFme) for a fem ending which always reads awkwardly if it works and reads worse if it doesn't.

Glad you liked it.

---

at night, I snuck down like a thief
you took a picture of me
taking pictures in my grief
and just to show you loved me

you shared with me your whiskey toast
upon your breath your flame
and then to show you loved me most
you took away my name

Oh father thou, oh father thou
I eat the flesh and drink the blood
and if you could be with me now
I’d take the lash and take the good

bread and wine is bread and wine
bread touches bread and no one bothers
your blood is yours and mine is mine
but everyone must kill their fathers


Did you know – oh, did you know
where Trojans go? Well, but of course
if you look within the book
you’ll find them there, they’ve grown quite horse.

I’ll lay this raft upon the waters
laden with your severed head
wrapped in lace as my three daughters
skip double dutch and rhyme me dead

To me you managed to bottle the inner conflict of wanting a better relationship with one's father, upon the realization that our parents are just people figuring it out as they go along, like the rest of us.

but everyone must kill their fathers

this is my favorite line of the poem

I’ll lay this raft upon the waters
laden with your severed head
wrapped in lace as my three daughters
skip double dutch and rhyme me dead

favorite stanza. To me there's obvious meaning here, mixed with heavy symbolism.

Thanks for posting this. I really enjoyed breaking it down. The only thing that stuck out to me is the line about the Trojans. It's unclear to me what your intent was with it.

I am surprised anyone got any of my intent here TBH, especially out of that section which seems completely unrelated. Thanks for the read!