08-01-2014, 04:33 AM
Hey Poe,
nice one. Billy and Tectak have covered almost everything I could think of. One extra detail I would add is in the last stanza:
"I live just me with my windows wide
That my love will see me and come to my side. "
I really like it, I would just shortened the last line, make it more fluid. Also maybe replacing "just me"? I would put something else like "alone" but that's my personal taste.
Keep going!
Alex
nice one. Billy and Tectak have covered almost everything I could think of. One extra detail I would add is in the last stanza:
"I live just me with my windows wide
That my love will see me and come to my side. "
I really like it, I would just shortened the last line, make it more fluid. Also maybe replacing "just me"? I would put something else like "alone" but that's my personal taste.
Keep going!
Alex