07-31-2014, 12:05 PM
The content seems to be overrode by the rhyme. The first part is fairly consistent, with two accents per line. The last two section of part two blows the pattern big time, and the "again" ending twice is too much. I won't even comment on form in the last section.
I haven't a clue what this is suppose to be about. As such this fails for me as a poem. However it may be great as lyrics. Although lyrics can be a poem, they do not have to be.
Dale
I haven't a clue what this is suppose to be about. As such this fails for me as a poem. However it may be great as lyrics. Although lyrics can be a poem, they do not have to be.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.