To Get Over You

[billy]

watch out for the cliches, they take away from the poem.
the poem is in there but it feels strangled, it sounds surreal and thats good, but i struggle in progressing through the poem without really understanding it. i know what it's about but i get that from the needle lines. i want to know why it's about what it's about.

I have gone fishing for i have gone feels a little drawn out would [i am fishing] and then move [for] down to the next line? considering the tens in other places i'd suggest [i went...]
a needle in my heart.
Swimming within with the enjambment feels awkward would a comma after within help
a scrutinizing eyeglass
straining my left eye
I went blind the tense seems off with the start of the poem
where I was weak for it's own line
in my mind,
at the shore's edge
furthest point out
by the black and white striped
lighthouse.

I buried my cold browned feet in the soft white sand
that had baked all day in the burning sun. no need for burning sun which is also a cliche. the rest of the line still works with it removed.

Warm tears leaked out. Then a ringing in my ears
was overcome by the crashing of the ocean's
waves.

A tangled fishing line was laboriously restored to a fisherman's
reel. Out beyond the jetties, below the choppy surface of the sea,
fish of all kinds are hunting out their prey
taunting seagulls and fishermen alike.

A needle washed up on the shore of my tongue.