07-27-2014, 10:45 PM
(07-23-2014, 12:23 PM)poe Wrote: I have gone fishing forAs others have said, a lot of the imagery pretty good. But for me it all feels disjointed. Fishing and needles, i just don't see the connection there.
a needle in my heart.
Swimming within with
a scrutinizing eyeglass
straining my left eye
I went blind
where I was
in my mind,
at the shore's edge
furthest point out
by the black and white striped
lighthouse.
with a scrutinizing eyeglass straining my left eye I went blind where I was in my mind, at the shores edge furthest point out -- I think this is a really awkard way to say you're dreaming?
I buried my cold browned feet in the soft white sand
that had baked all day in the burning sun.
Warm tears leaked out. Then a ringing in my ears
was overcome by the crashing of the ocean's
waves. these last two stanzas, I dont think they add anything to poem
A tangled fishing line was laboriously restored to a fisherman's
reel. Out beyond the jetties, below the choppy surface of the sea,
fish of all kinds are hunting out their prey
taunting seagulls and fishermen alike.
A needle washed up on the shore of my tongue.

