Evening Drive (edit 1)

[Willahelm]

Here is my first edit for this one:


Skipping engine, determined-
hair waving in the aimless gust
of a troubled Norther horizon.
I feel this is too ambiguous. Where is the main verb?

Evening drive down Lone Star boulevards, Do you mean "an evening..."?
through Latin notes and voices,
youth kicking ball on public playground(same as above)
near the sidewalk,
on the outskirts,
passing boots and buried dreams on
porches of roadhouses & dusky motels.

I feel as if there is a main verb missing in this stanza. Perhaps I'm missing something glaring in my face

Sudden rain on tropic concrete

familiar smells,
neon discussions-

hair wet and dripping down the leather seat,
a newcomer on the other.

Soon the country hills surface in the sweet bleak moment of
new union and all is left behind.


*


New dawn coffee & breakfast
staring in the whites,
faint blues notes of
lost desert moments;
tanned angels surrounding
in native tongue;
blazing sand
/eyes.

I think I can really feel the poem here. Nice imagery helps a lot! Good.

For dialects of addiction,
fellow loss
of purpose, soul and truth;
they stood on the side of the road,
choosing the soft
taxidermy of youth. (Very interesting imagery!)